hello.
i would like to stop. my thoughts have been streaming on the far away lands again. thinking of the what-if and why-nots. i am beginning to miss my past and my carefree days. i am beginning to lose self-control.

been feeling kinda blah lately. i surprise myself with the small theatrics i come up with to entertain myself. just this morning, i was staring at this boy while on my way to work. i gave him the angry stare and he was kinda freaked out by me. after some time, i stopped and he was not sure if i was still looking at him or not. when he looked back, i did a blank stare and he was calmer. when he least expected it, i gave him a final ah-beng glare before he alighted at some secondary school. i think he thought i was going to dio jui. hahaha

i am creepy i know.

i don't know la. i am a little bored i guess. these months feel like i have signed up for something that i am not too sure of. now i am cornered into a wooden desk with a potted plant and spotlight, tapping away on my computer, crafting out generic designs after generic designs. i look at my stack of reading materials for school sitting in the tray and i look to the other side, cds of low resolution 'smiling, happy faces.' i don't know man. i need to stop all this self-pity and just live with what i have signed up for. but i just can't.

i tried not to talk about it too much but it still meditates in my mind. i think about temasek poly staircase talks with ade and joe, overnight business in the photo lab, teh bing with the gang, navy sails with endurance, jiahao gossip sessions, long tea breaks, mccafe kopi nights, before bedtime chats with johnny... list goes on.

maybe the prescription i need is my old friends. i have been losing touch with ade, eugene, johnny, weesiang, jiahao, siaoting... and zhihuang's invitation to dinner is like post-poned like mad. urgh. i keep complaining about my schedule but the truth is, i have been relieved from quite a bit of stuff from the youth ministry already! stop complaining and start arranging your time, shawn! argh!

i need to stop myself. or maybe i should get someone to stop me. or maybe a new hobby. i don't know la!